Healthy boundaries are not walls. They are the gates and fences that allow you to enjoy the beauty of your own garden. - Lydia H. Hall
The creation of healthy boundaries is an incredibly powerful self care tool. We all have people and situations in our lives that don’t quite feel right, and often drain us of our energies. For many, there is the belief that one needs to simply "put up with this" and carry on…but here’s the truth…YOU DON’T HAVE TO.
Life is short.
We should be able to surround ourselves with people who lift us up, support us, inspire us, and love us, without strings attached.
Similar to the post on Energy Clearing, establishing healthy boundaries can be an incredibly empowering and liberating self care tool. Letting go of toxic situations and people who negatively affect us can be scary and often confusing. Emotions like guilt and shame creep in, which is natural in a world that tells us that we have to “put up with unwanted relationships and situations,” but this could not be further than the truth. When we realize that we deserve better…we change our life in monumental ways.
You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to be supported.
You deserve to be loved.
Intuitively you already know which people and situations you need to let go of...You already have that wisdom in you...it's simply a matter of clearly identifying it, making the decision to let it go...and then following through.
So how does one begin?
It’s often easier to let go of situations (versus people) which no longer resonate with you...so this week give yourself some time to reflect, perhaps journal upon it...that situation(s) which no longer feels right, feels good, to you…to your soul?
LET IT GO
Once you have gained clarity on the situation(s), take the first step in letting it go…
Let me give you an example, say you attend a weekly activity (i.e. sports, choir, etc.) that no longer feels right to you...for just this week don't attend...let it go…and see how it feels.
Take it one step at a time.
It is important to check in to see how you feel...
Do you feel Better? Relieved? Guilty? ...from not attending the situation?
Guilt will often creep in because we think we should just “deal with it”…but if something does not feel right to you, then you should… Let. It. Go.
If you feel better, then try it again the following week, do not participate in the
activity or situation, and again check in to see how you feel thereafter.
If you feel better because you are setting a new and healthy boundary, you are on the right track!
Like everything, establishing healthy boundaries will become easier with practice…try situations first, and then move onto people...with practice…letting go of all that no longer resonates with you will come easier.
I will not sugar coat this and say that it is straightforward or effortless. Many emotions will arise; people will take offense...But this is for the betterment of YOU, and you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be surrounded by the people who support you and to do the things that light you up! The people who understand this are the ones to keep! And I will tell you this, in the long-term it becomes easier to be with the people who lift you up.
The creation of healthy boundaries is not a selfish act. It is necessary for you to thrive.
Gentle Reminder: throughout this process as always…please, please, please be gentle with yourself.
I send you so much love.xo
Photos and artwork by Sean Kelley.